Milestones, Benchmarks, Percentiles- Oh My!

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As Wyatt turned 10 months, (how did that happen?!) and I started thinking about his first birthday, I found myself reflecting a lot about how much of his own little person he has become. I notice distinct personality differences between him and other baby friends more now than ever- and one of the biggest takeaways from motherhood for me so far is that EVERY. KID. IS. SO. DIFFERENT.

In classic new mom form, I find myself constantly talking about my kid with friends and family,  listen to other parents, get excited to know find out Wyatt’s percentiles at the doctor, and read parenting articles that discuss milestones and benchmarks. I want to understand how my baby is doing in the grand scheme of things…and also how we’re doing as parents, if we’re doing it “right.” Naturally, it’s hard not to compare my babe to another one that’s a similar age, “They’re sitting up at five months already?!” “He’s sleeping through the night?!” “She’s saying Dada and Mama?” I can’t really avoid it, but for me, constant comparing isn’t constructive. I start to question Wyatt’s progress and my own role as a mom, and sometimes I need to remind myself that everyone is different.

When Wyatt was born I was signed up for newsletters that updated me weekly on “how my baby was doing” or what milestones he was achieving and when. Wonder Weeks is a hot app in all of my mom circles. When Wyatt was younger and it seemed like our babies were doing similar things right around the same time, it gave me a way to explain why he was being so tricky one week (a supposed “leap”) or what things he was learning because of his exact age. It helped me understand this tiny little baby that couldn’t do much to communicate except cry his eyes out. But as Wyatt gets older, I find myself not reading things that tell me where my baby is in life or should be. I don’t want to get caught up worrying (because that’s what I do) that he’s just finally learned how to pull himself to standing or that he’s not crawling yet (he isn’t) because I know he’ll get there in his own time – we all EVENTUALLY learned how to crawl right?!

Just like adults, babies have their own strengths and weaknesses. Playdates with baby friends are becoming more fun, all of their personalities are already so different. Wyatt will sit for 5 minutes trying to open a board book, getting frustrated when it closes on him, but trying again, while other moms will say that there’s no chance their babe would sit still for 5 minutes doing anything! I love talking to my mom friends about their babies’ latest milestone and about their emerging personalities, but sometimes I find myself comparing Wyatt or what we’re doing as parents. Instead, I should focus on being proud that he’s making his own progress or doing X “already,” or thankful that he’s actually sleeping through the night!

We had our 10-month check-up and Wyatt’s weight percentile went down (he’s been consistently in the 90’s for head circumference, height and weight – big boy from day 1). It only went down to the 75th percentile, but immediately I found myself weirdly disappointed that our stat had gone down, and questioning myself as a mother. “Have I not been feeding him enough?” “I breastfeed, it’s hard to tell how much he’s actually eating…should I add another feeding back!?” “Is he not crawling yet because he’s not getting enough food!?” Luckily, the 75th percentile isn’t something to be worried about and for anyone that knows Wyatt, he is a good eater! But still, the smallest piece of data set me off on a mental tizzy (and overreaction) about my performance as a mother and how that affects the wellbeing of my son.

As a teacher, the belief that all children are different, develop differently, and have different needs is almost a part of my fiber. However, somehow, it’s a little harder when it’s your own kid to not let yourself compare. The biggest thing I learned as a teacher, and something I hope to remember throughout motherhood, is that learning is a process and and every child develops differently. So while milestones, benchmarks, and percentiles (like standardized tests, ugh.) help us understand our kids a little more, they’re also just one measure of our little ones, and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. In the meantime, instead of wondering why Wyatt hasn’t started crawling (have I talked about that enough?…clearly still worrying), I’ll cherish the time that his happy and healthy little body  stays where I put it while I cook dinner or vacuum… because I know the time will come, sooner rather than later, when I’ll be racing across the room after him, and I’ll look back on this post and wonder why I ever wanted him to crawl!

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